(Written in 1997)
WHEN I THINK OF HOME,
I THINK OF A PLACE
WHERE THERE'S LOVE OVERFLOWING.
When Mama adopted me, I was quite old to be adopted. Worse, I was sickly. But despite this, she signed the papers without
thinking twice and happily took me with her to her house.
Mama's house is not big and elegant but it was enough for her and us her
children to live in. It did not have
fancy furniture nor carpeted floors. The
linoleum on the kitchen floor was already fades, probably due to constant
scrubbing. And our beds squeak loudly
every time we turn in our sleep. But nobody
seemed to mind all these because everyone was contented. Mama showered us with so much love that it
can replace all our material wants and needs.
Mama's children -- biological and adopted -- were the kindest beings I encountered. Everyone treated me like I was their real
sibling. Some call me by my name, others
just call me "Ate". They were
not jealous of me when Mama showered me with attention. The greatest lesson Mama taught us was not to
count how much or how little each one got.
So when Mama stayed for days in my room when I was sick, they never
complained. The older children never
answered back when Mama gave them duties and responsibilities. They even actually boast about it. And the young ones never had tantrums when I get
to receive rewards for good deeds done. All
the children always understood Mama's actions and decisions.
I WISH I WAS HOME.
I WISH I WAS BACK THERE
WITH THE THINGS I'VE BEEN KNOWING.
WIND THAT MAKES THE TALL TREES
BEND INTO LEANING.
SUDDENLY, THE RAINDROPS
THAT FALL HAVE A MEANING…
Mama is unique and she has very odd way of raising us. There were times I wonder why she assigned me
tasks even my younger siblings can do. Like
the time she made me watch over a little sister who was a loner. I looked like one of the guards which keep
watch at Rizal's monument in Luneta. I
felt bored. At other times, Mama would
make me do chores which tried my patience to the limit. Like the time she would have me run to the
town's bakery for bread, the store being a 15-minutes walk away from the
house. And when I got back with the
bread, she sent me out again, this time to visit the butcher.
She loved teaching and she taught us all she knew and whenever she
can. She is never selfish. She made us experience every possible happy
event. She taught us how to grow a
vegetable garden and harvest its produce.
She made us dream dreams and taught us how we can reach them. She showed us life and its wonders, had us
realize our part in the grand circle of the universe, and let us taste the
bliss of living free and unafraid.
When I woke up one day, I found myself too old to stay in Mama's
house. Like the other children before
me, I too must leave and find my own place under the sun. Mama cannot keep me anymore. I need to go away to make room for the other
children she adopted. It was the saddest
day of my life.
NOW, ALL'S CLEAR.
I cannot be Mama's child forever.
I realized that life's a wheel which must keep on turning in order for
progress to take place. I needed to grow
up. I needed to mature. I needed to pursue bigger dreams -- climb
mountains, cross seas, try to touch the sky.
OH, IF YOU'RE LIST'NING TO ME, GOD,
PLEASE DON'T MAKE IT HARD TO KNOW IF WE
SHOULD BELIEVE IN THE THINGS WE SEE.
TELL, SHOULD WE RUN AWAY
OR SHOULD WE TRY AND STAY,
WOULD IT BE BETTER TO LET THINGS BE?
I still remember Mama's words.
"Your life will get better if you will keep reaching for your
dreams. And in making your life better,
you make the world a better place too."
Sometimes, I doubt this, not because I doubt if Mama was telling me the
truth, but because I was uncertain about my capabilities. Could I really reach for my dreams? And when disbelief grips me, I try to
remember Mama's advice. "Have
faith, child…"
Years had passed and life had been good for me. I now live in a faraway town and found a good
paying job there. Now, I am starting to
get used to be living alone as an adult.
One day, by stroke of luck, my work led me back to Mama's town, and
after my meeting, I found myself back on the familiar street where Mama's house
stood. The house now looks so different
-- so old and neglected. A faded coat of
paint covers it. The once magnificent-looking
steel fence is now just a row of rusty and twisted metal. And the lawn, which held a beautiful garden
of roses, chrysanthemums, and lilacs before, is now a yard full of dried potted
plants and wild grass.
I approached the house. Standing on
our front porch, an elderly neighbour greeted me. "Are you Chloe? Your Mama died two weeks ago and left you
this house. Nobody wants it, obviously. We tried to find you and your other siblings the
day after we brought her to the hospital but we don't know where to find all of
you. We buried her in the town's
graveyard, near the lake." Them, he
handed me the key to the house. Upon
opening the door, my heart fell to the ground.
The interior of the house was in a worse situation than the porch and
lawn. The ceiling was full of
cobwebs. The floor and curtains were heavily
laden with dust. The furniture were in
disarray. The kitchen reeked of the
smell of garbage. No room seems to be
pleasant to look at.
LIVING HERE
IN THIS BRAND NEW WORLD
MIGHT BE A FANTASY…
WHERE THERE'S NOTHING TO LOVE…
I was preparing to leave when I heard a shuffling noise coming from
upstairs. I went to see what it was and
saw two small children through the dusty balusters of the huge spiral
staircase. Staring at them, I recognized
them to be the toddler twins Mama brought into the house as the last additional
members of our brood. Now, they are
7-year-old girls with emaciated bodies. Their
faces are ghostly white and sadness and fear could be seen in their lovely
rounded eyes. I wonder why our neighbour
didn't mention anything about them. Don't
they know Mama had little children left?
AND I'VE LEARNED
AS WE LOOK INSIDE OUR HEARTS TO FIND
A WORLD FULL OF LOVE…
LIKE YOURS, LIKE MINE, LIKE HOME.
"Form now on, this will be your new home, Chloe. And you can call me Mama and they will be your
brothers and sisters…" The memory
of my first day in Mama's house flashed before my eyes. I remember it so vividly like it happened
just yesterday. Snapping out of my
reminiscing, I found myself calling out to the twins on bended knees and
outstretched arms. Tricia recognized me
instantly and in lightning speed, ran down the stairs and leaped into my
arms. "Oh, Ate, you are back! Colleen, Ate is back! Ate is back!" she shouted at her twin
who seems to be having difficulties remembering me.
"Ate, Mama's gone. The neighbours
took her away because she was so sick.
Then they all never came back.
Ate, the house is in a mess! Is
it going to be like this forever, Ate?" Tricia asked me with very
concerned eyes. Looking at her and
Colleen lovingly, I said "No, baby.
It is not going to be like this forever.
Mama's house will be fixed and cleaned.
And we will be a happy family again."